the power to be

My sunflowers stare me in the face at all times. It's like their brown, fuzzy centers are eyeballs that look at everything I do, and hairy ears that hear all that I say. And, perhaps, report it back to Ryan. Like, "Yes sir, she said nice things about you" or "No sir, she did not cheat on you" or "She is wearing cute underwear today, so you should definitely visit today." Silly, I know, but that would be funny (and way creepy) if it did happen that way. But my flowers are muy pretty even though most of them are wilting already. And I think I'm going to ask for calla lilies next. Or orchids. Or maybe orchids and calla lilies together in a bouquet. It shouldn't seem selfish that I ask for these from him because I think I deserve them, ya know? I never ask anything from anyone, and Ryan for that matter, and I feel like every girl should have something pretty to look at. Especially something pretty given out of affection. My favorite sunflower has a little bee on its fuzzy eyeball. And it's my favorite because Ryan said he saw it and automatically thought of me. An extra something that he wanted to do for me beause he knew it would make me happy. I named it Gus because it's a total Gus and everything cute, according to me, is now named Gus. Anywho, I don't feel badly when I ask for some things from him because I basically don't. Typically, he just gives. But I don't go around saying "buy me this, buy me that." More often than not, when he tries to pay for things that I want, I tell him to shove off. I try to be self-sufficient. *shrugs* Last night I told him that I wanted to see The Little Mermaid on Broadway and he said he'd look at tickets online. And ya know what? I'm not consumed with guilt for asking because he wants to do nice things for me. It made him happy that I asked for it because he knew that I really wanted it and he wants to do things for me that I really want because it makes me happy. And seeing The Little Mermaid would make me happy. It just makes him happy to know that i'm happy. Gross, I know.

I have a book idea and I want to start writing. But there's really no point. Why? Because I have no time and it never sounds the same way on paper as it does on my head. But it would be really funny and it would be a great movie too. Entertaining, yet with good moral standings. I guess I'm an entertaining, moral kind of gal. No, not really. But I want to mock society and make it laugh in the process. It won't happen, so whatever. Suck it.

And I'm still not artistic enough...I need to be artistic.

And....my roommate comes home tonight. Boo hoo. I liked having my own room this week. *sigh*

And I just found out the other hamster died :(


I am a moth
Who justs wants to share your light
I’m just an insect
Trying to get out of the night
I wanna stick with you, because there are no others