I want to paint you a lovely world

To let myself go, I have to write. It's like this tick inside of me that isn't satisfied until ink swirls called words hit paper. Or until the word processor processes. In class today (because why would I actually learn?) I've decided that there are some things I just gotta let go. Things have happened to me, and I've heard things and I've seen things. And these things have made me who I am yet these things also take up space; new things can't come in until these other things are let go. Too many things, huh? So yeah, in class I've decided to let go. By writing. I want to write a letter about everything that bugs me. Everything that I've experienced. Everything and anything I want. And I won't read it ever again. It will be on paper then it will set sail in the deep blue sea. Yeah, I'm putting a message in a bottle. For the fish and the algea and sea urchants and mermaids and pollution and waves to swallow. If my thoughts and experiences ever reach someone and they read it, I hope that they help them in some way. Maybe it's relatable. Maybe they'll have the same story. But I'll share my secrets with the water because we relate; we both have insatiable depths. I don't mind if the ocean swallows my thoughts whole and drowns them; it's better than something else destroying them. And I will never have to see them again and I can just let them go. I feel like it's the best thing I can do for myself at this point. There are some things which I only know and I need to write them down and get rid of them. Maybe some of my knots will even disappear? No, that won't happen. But an old part of me is slowly decaying and leaving nothing for something new. So it's time to rejuvinate myself, eh? A spiritual cleansing, a makeover if you will. So this is what I've decided and this is what I'm going to do. I will save myself in a bottle and set it to sea. werd.

I gotta read shit for this new class and I really dont want to. I've been downloading music for the past two hours, and I'd rather do that as opposed to reading about Paris in the 19th century. Who the fuck cares? Well, I do. I care a lot actually; I love history. I just want to read on my own time and shit. Fuck this class. Fuck it to hell. But I need a quote to discuss with her in our one-on-one meeting tomorrow morning. This is a short week, we only have two days of class and that's nice, but I still have to show up and be redonk.

Have you ever wanted to go swimming and not come up for air? Just to stay under the calm of the water forever, and only hear your ears pounding and yourself swimming. Ever want to live underwater and be weightless and forget it all? I think water has a way of making one's problems just kind of melt. Like it all trickles away, just like the water trickles. I think I'd like to fly during the night and live in the water during the day. Two things which are impossible for my species to accomplish naturally, but I'd like to. And if I can't do that, I'll just join the Peace Corps and be happy on the same high. I'll just float and flutter through life and smile at people when they tell me I'm crazy and need to shower and see a dentist. I'd like to do that. I want something from life that isn't attainable. I just want to be happy doing what I want to do. But that'll never happen, because we all go with the flow of society. So instead I'll live underwater...until my oxygen runs out and then I'll just have to come up for air and be reminded of what I'm not missing. Too much shit. Just too much.