I dont think I'm a good fit with my family. The more I think about my stance in life and politics and morality, the more I realize that my family's beliefs are on opposite ends. I mean, I love my family and they are great people to know and hang out with and get support from and be supportive of, but we don't see eye to eye on some things. And they don't know the real me. I'm not very "out there" with my family so they pretty much see me as the smart, silent one. And I am smart but not silent. I certainly have something to say at all times and they don't see that. And I laugh a lot around them, but most of the time it's because I'm supposed to find it funny--not like it's actually funny. Yeah. I guess I'm a good pretender around the familia. And I guess that's okay because who is ever their actual selves with family? I mean, we don't expose every bit of our opinions and sexuality to those with blood ties. I'm not going to walk up to my great aunt and tell her that I liked to be kissed here or there, and I won't tell my dad about the fourteen year age difference of so and so, etc. But I don't find my family to be as progressive as I because most of them are semi-religious and some are supporters of Bush. And there are a few who hate Bush but wouldn't actually do anything to stop what they didn't believe in. Another reason why I need to get away, away. I guess the further away I get the more able I will be in becoming myself. I can and will develop into someone greater who does what I want because it's what I want, not what others feel I should do.
I cringe when I think of becoming another cookie cutter image in the eyes of my family, and America at large. I'd love a family, but I dont want to follow the typical American recipe which, I believe, goes as follows: go to college at 18, meet "the man of my dreams" by age 21, graduate from college at 22, continue with grad studies, be married by 25 to "the man of my dreams," live in an apartment with husband while continuing studies, find a great job in the meantime, graduate with Masters by 26, get pregnant by 27, buy a house in the 'burbs, get a wonderful and safe job which will guarantee success and wealth, have baby, continue working, have happy marriage, drive an SUV, go on vacations once a year, keep safe job, have another child and rinse, lather, repeat until you die. No. While that image is great for some, I see my life panning out differently. I'd rather go to school, study a lot, drink a lot, become myself a lot, have sex a lot, start petitions a lot, graduate with honors or something, join the peace corps, decide that what I studied for four years is NOT what I want to do with myself for the rest of my life, study something else overseas, meet a cute progressive ethnic boy, have love affair, study lots, end relationship because he can't keep up with me, find a new progressive British guy while doing charity work in Africa, return to studies somewhere, get PhD, do more petitions, become a voice in the community at large, gain power and change the world and have a baby, perhaps with guy from Africa. Or Prince William? Mhm. That's more like it, eh? There is so much that can be fixed with this world and I think I can help to change it if I allow my fears to step aside and I am more active. To be myself. And a great step is to be away. I'm not sure "away" in the middle of nowhere is the best place to start, but it is a start. And, as previously mentioned, I can leave. So who knows. I may wind up back in the city, or overseas or Canada. I dont know.
Wednesday I'm petitioning in front of Subway. Should be cool. Hopefully sometime soon I will protest at the mall. It shall be great.
I'm gonna go do stuff.
As always, Peace and Love.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment