I love the way you say good morning

I dont know what is going to happen to my academic future. Housing is difficult, loans may not come on time, I don't know if I will be accepted into Hunter, I have no idea what the hell I will become after all of this money that I spend. Is it ever really worth it though? All of this money to learn things I could learn if I had a membership to the public library? Hmmm...

I feel...satisfied. I dont know what else to say except for that. I just feel like even though I never have money and I have no idea what my future will bring, it's okay. My chest still feels full. My heart is beating and pumping blood and doing what it is supposed to involuntarily. It doesn't feel as close to some as it used to but that is okay because I am breaking out and doing a new thing. My soul is just satisfied as of now. I mean, I know why. Do you? Probably. Probably not. All I do know is that I have missed this feeling and I don't want it to go away. In fact, I wan't my chest to feel like it is going to explode, that is how full it gets. I want to be brimming with excitement and I want my lips to always be turned upward and my hands to always fidget and only be calm in someone else's.

I think it is safe to say that I was in a mild depression a while ago. Just the way life was not working in my favor and how I reacted to it...mild depression. Just throwin' that out there.

I know that everything's not lost.