Let's fly away

Here's a scary thought: we're all changing and growing. Holy shit that sucks, doesn't it? We are diverging from one another and becoming our own person with our own opinions, intelligence, hobbies, talents, humor, etc. Wow. I never come home to the same people even though they seem familiar. They have the same crazy beautiful eyes (except for that ho Andrew...he only has brown), unique hair (some that look more *natural* than others) and they all wear the same clothes that I wish I could pull off as well. But they aren't the same people. I only go home about once a month and everytime I come home it's like I'm meeting a new part of my friends. A piece of them has either flourished or died and I don't know what I'm coming home to sometimes. I'm sure I do the same for them but it's more of how much of an "alcoholic" I am or how "slutty" I am. It's scary how different we're becoming. It's distance. True, I am about an hour away, but that hour means weeks until I see my friends. And there is always something different to come home to. At school I have my own life with friends here. Our own jokes, our own ways of talking to eachother. At home we have our own jokes, and the ways of talking to eachother. But at school, we're all growing and dying, experiencing shit together. I am here and others are back at home doing the same as me, without me. A new part of me is created by the time I come home and sometimes I wonder if it makes things at home worse or better. I know my friends in P-town and Deadford like the fact that I'm different, but will it make us suffer somehow? When will I be less relevant to their lives? When will I get an "oh, it's just you Fran" instead of "AAAAHHHHHH Frantastic!!!!!" like I get now? When will I be replaced by someone else who couldn't be half as witty, charming, beautiful and fantastic as moi? When will I just say "Oh, it's just you guys" instead of "Yayyyyyy, I'm home for three days!" When will everyone there be replaced with people here? When? It's a hard concept to grasp: we are changing and there's nothing we can do about it. Some of us mature a bit, some of us act four, but we're all young and act our age, essentially. Well, I really don't know when all of this is going to happen--it's inevitable--but in the meantime I'm gonna do what I gotta do and be happy with it. The balance is hard to carry sometimes. At home I talk about friends at Hofstra and while at school, I show myspace pictures of everyone from home. It was the weirdest fucking thing to have Karen and Andrew meet; my two seperate worlds came together in one single moment. They joked, chatted, had things in common. They liked eachother. Karen and Andrew merged into one friend, kinda. They are no longer just "Oh, Karen, the girl from home" or "Andrew, that chill homeslice in Medford" (that reference of home and Medford came naturally and I just noticed it...proves change, eh?) but two people who have actually met and interacted. It's crazy.

I don't know if any of that actually made sense. I just thought of it and decided to write about it. It's not even coherent.

I gotta go to the gym soon. Peace sukkas.








these smiling eyes are

just a mirror for the sun