Walk away

I need to talk to Brittany. She is my savior when it comes to the advice I need to hear. She and I are very similar and when I'm too retarded to understand why I should or shouldn't think something, I go to her because, in a clear state of mind, she gives me the answer that I'd give myself. It's basically in response to the blog that I wrote last night about me being too good and not good enough. All that stuff. I reread that bout nine times trying to analyze myself and better understand the situation so I can help myself. But sometimes I can't help myself and I need other people to tell me how to see some things. Brittany can do that best; she has done it several times before. Heh, most recently she has slapped me in the face trying to convince me otherwise in a sitaution that's been progressing most recently. True, I laughed in her face because I know the whole situation is redonk and she actually slapped me for it. But I still got the message...even through the cackling. I feel like we're in the same situations just at different times, so the advice given back and forth is the best that either can get; it's all relatable. Being away at school sucks sometimes because a) the skank doesn't pick up her phone, and b) I can't actually tell her in person what the crisis is. I'm just a confused human being at times and I need a good Brittany/Fran chat. Yeah, I could go to others for advice (which I probably will) but I am more complete, or I feel better about shit, after I talk to Palma. Sorry to anyone who is offended by this, but it's true, so suck my dick. Suck it a lot.

I had an odd dream last night and it was totally random. Not sure why it happened, but it did and it makes the relevance of some people fuzzy to me. I AM SO CONFUSED. What the hell do I do? I'm (surprisingly) desirable to most guys (despite the whole boutique scenario I gave) but their lack of commitment makes me confused. I've been told *things* lately...like what the fuck do those *things* mean? I've seen *things* lately and what exactly do those *things* mean? I've thought of *things* and what do they mean? And my dreams! What the fuck do they mean? I should stop being so sexy, eh? Maybe I should stop thinking thoughts before I go to bed. Maybe my imagination shouldn't be so fucked up. Maybe I should just run away to Greece and have a love affair with Kristos the mule tamer. Maybe I'll chill in New York and just chill out until shit comes together. Maybe I should shut up because I am going to break my keyboard. I am just so confused.

What sounds good right now? Actual food. I've been munching on goldfish for the past hour because it's too cold outside and I don't feel like taking a ten minute walk to get fruit and a fucking chicken wrap. I'm getting sick of campus food. Besides my attempts at becoming healthier, I've been eating fruit because it's not campus food. It's not greasy and pre-packaged (even though it is) and it's actually good for you. I feel like all of the campus food is really rich in fat and cholesterol, and despite the tastiness it possesses, it just goes straight to my waist and I gain weight and I'm all "eww." Fucking Freshman Fifteen. I told myself that I wouldn't let that happen to me...and low and behold it crept up on me and I just wound up with blah. Shwatevs. I'm working on it. I have new goals.

I have other goals too. Don't feel like sharing though...mind your own bees wax.

I don't know anymore. I just need to write my paper, go to the gym and talk to Brittany.

Peace.

I can't see you every night.