I am not my hair

I am not. How many close minded fucks asked if I was gay because I cut my hair short. How many more passer-bys assumed my sexuality based on my length. Having this new length, I've realized that it takes a certain kind of girl to have short hair. I have to carry myself a different way because my hair is short and intensely red. It's not totally feminine thus I'm butch and love to reside in the lick 'er cabinet. But I'm still a girl who likes to wear dresses and put on make up and smell pretty. I still blush when I get hit on by guys and I still find guys attractive. Just because my hair is shorter than yours does not mean my testosterone levels shot up and I'm suddenly checkin' girls out as they walk by. I am not my hair. But what I am is freed from my hair. For a long time I feel like I've been in this grey area. One half of me is the chic, funky, free-spirited, artsy girl; the other half was more conforming with a hint of independence from traditional standards set by my family. And now my hair makes me more of the former--me--and I like that because that's how I want to be perceived. I'm wondering if hair can make you feel a certain way about yourself. That short red hair is a mask for me to live under. Because I do not look like the old Fran at all; I'd say that my hair is dramatically different from before. Does this mean that the old Fran is totally out the window? That all of my inhibitions are done with? Well, all I know is that I don't feel 100% different. I am the same girl with the same beliefs as before. But now something has shifted, I think. Perhaps it's just how I have carried myself differently. I most def have to because of the looks I get. Yeah, most people aren't used to seeing short red hair on a girl. Most also assume something from a girl with uber short hair. It takes a certain guy, I think, to have the balls to date a girl with such short hair. It's being comfortable with your sexuality to date a chick and be that chick with short hair. And we all know that I am comfy in my sexuality recliner so I've become content with my short red hair.

I finally met with my advisor for my IP. He is totally awesome and free-spirited about sex. Right off the bat he told me that the conversation about sex would be open because there was no other way to approach it. And he meant it. I thought I was very open in discussing sex, but I was way wrong. LIke, really wrong. But it was okay. After my initial shock of how much he really wanted to talk about it with me, I was comfortable and soon we were sharing stories and personal sexual experiences, making references to eachother's genitilia. haha...verbally, of course. But it wasn't weird and I didn't feel uncomfortable telling him what my orgasms feel like nor was I embarrased when he talked about his first time with a woman or how he felt with vibrations up against his penis. I know it all sounds wrong that a professor and student would discuss this with one another but it wasn't meant to be dirty in that sexual way. After all, my IP is about sexuality and I think I'm focusing on the taboo of sex, so it would be hypocritical of me to be hush hush when I'm trying to reveal why we're all so hush hush. But I was relieved afterward because he was willing to help me any way he could and he also gave me advice about other things (that were NOT related to sex whatsoever, thank you very much). In fact, I gotta go read some of the books he gave me, so I'll keep everyone updated. Only if you want.