I'm trying to vent some of the terrible passion

It's about time that I wrote in this thing again, eh? I mean, it's only been like a day. Someone's gonna have a heart attack and die if they can't read something new from Reptar. So here it goes.

It's easiest to write in this blog when I have something to say. When I'm bored, the blogs are boring which then translates to I am uninteresting and the reader is uninterested in the blog and me. So what can I write about? Home. That's right. That four letter word which brings so many emotions into my throat that it's hard to know where to begin. Home. It means a lot to me. These walls hold a lot of memories for me and my family. Some good, some bad, some just forgettable. These walls have seen it all though and they've kept up with the increasing, decreasing and increasing size of my family. It's these memories that makes the walls a home--not just wood, drywall, nails and paint. And these walls have kept us, and continue to keep us safe. I can't complain much about those who reside within these walls either, ya know? I'm fortunate to have a sane, loving, giving family. So home and the people who help to make it a home are great. But I cannot wait to leave again! It's hardly been a full week since I've been home and I'm ready to move out again. I'm independent and I like to do things on my own, on my own time, with my own people. And it seems that it's not possible. I am a big fish in a small pond here, with my mind in places that I feel most others aren't. And I have grown up while away from home--with new ideas, morals, beliefs, experiences. And I have gained and shed everything out of the watchful eye of my family and friends. And yes, every few weeks when I came home, people noticed differences in me, but no one here was at school to see me go through the changes. I just expect people to be accepting because it's who I am. And I cannot change that. But I come here and people put me in the same exact spot I was in when I left for college, as though those eight months meant absolutely nothing to them. Well, they mean something to me. Whether anyone likes it or not, I am changing and becoming more secure with myself and what I believe in. So sorry if I don't conform to this place like I used to. I'm sorry I want bigger and better things for myself. I'm sorry if I know that I deserve the bigger and better things like happiness and success in making others happy. But most of all, I'm sorry for not being sorry about any of the above because maturing is not something to be apologetic about. I do not like limits. I do not like barriers. I do not like that I cannot breathe here. I was at Hofstra contemplating whether or not I really wanted to leave Hofstra because of the friends I have made. Well, four days at home and I remembered why I wanted to be six hours away. Bliss in the middle of nowhere, just chillin' with the cows and horses. Bliss to not have to deal with the shit put on me at home. Shit that I don't deserve just because there is jealousy and a blindness to whom I am. I cannot tolerate disrespect of any kind, especially since I don't disrespect ANYONE, so when my beliefs are mocked or manipulated because it's "funny" I am ready to pick up and leave. I have too much respect for myself to let that happen. So, these walls, it's not your fault that these memories are here. It's not your fault that you remind me of this shit. So stay kind to everyone else who wants to stay behind in the little pond. I am moving on.