Part of the disease

Disclaimer: I would just like to briefly discuss the last blog that I have posted. I have gotten shit from two immature boys by the name of Dave and Eric and all they do is think about sex and all they think of me is that I am a nympho who wants someone to fuck her brains out. Okay, well, if anyone else with a penis reads this blog (besides Andrew) you must understand that I do not mean that I want a guy to just flop on top of me and do me while I just lay there because I just want someone on top of me. For one, I wouldn't just lay there, and two, it's not what I meant, so Eric and Dave, please shut up. What I meant was that I miss sharing that closeness with someone else, just that cuddling and intimacy without having penis in vagina contact. Get it? So when I say that I miss lips on mine, hands in my hair and heart beat pressed up to heart beat, I do not mean that that series of events must lead to sex (sorry, fellas) but that sharing certain things such as someone on top of me by just being there in closeness is nice. And that in itself, as far as I'm concerned, is more necessary than having sex. And yeah, Dave and Eric, I may want a "good time" (haha...I'm funny) but I'm not just gonna let Dave climb on top of me...as he offered ;p... just because I want a good time. I have morals and self-respect. So shut up, fools who would like to think that being sensual and sexual means sex.

Okay, so now that the whole blog thang is clear (which it won't because Dave and Eric will be monkeys anyway and think with their loins) let's discuss a new found appreciation in philosophy. I've always believed that our lives followed a plan. Not that God or gods have a plan, but that everyone on this earth has a purpose and a map of what they are supposed to do; essentially we are not responsible for our actions. Our lives are just lives to serve a purpose and we can't be blamed for our behavior because the determinist view believes that we are not in control. I totally believe in determinism. Free will can go fuck itself. Ya know how in high school English class the teacher would ask if humans have fate or free will, and most people would say free will? Well, I think we all try to convince ourselves that we are in total control of our lives and we have to find our own paths and make our own choices and feel our own feelings. And I'd often try to convince myself that my choice was my choice but the idea of free will is just a comfort zone and allows for the rules of society to hold us down. Ya dig? Well, the more and more I thought about the theory of determinism on my own, the more I loved it and the more I believed in fate. And it is comfortable in its own sense. The fact that my life has turned out the way it has is not my fault because it was inevitable. I am rid of that "what if" thing that nags everyone. Well, this is the path and that is that. And I must say that my path ain't so bad so far and I know for a fact that I am on this planet for a concise reason--to help others in a grand way--and it's comforting to know that such choices will lead to that. It's also comforting when I try to think of relationships. Hey, I'm single and it's not my fault because it's just my plan in life. My path was chosen for me, so it's not my fault (and I dont need to be like, "well, I should have done this or that, blah blah blah...it just is). And thinking of life in this way is a relief. I'm at Hofstra and it's not my fault. If you just think about your life and the events that have occurred, they are there for a reason. The person you are today is because of the events of your past and anything that has happened is not your fault. It may seem heartless, but always trying to figure out why you're here and why your life is the way it is and why you've been hurt or loved, etc, sucks. It can even be depressing. Beating yourself up over that one choice is pointless. And I feel better about things in this respect. It's just it. That's all it is. Some people are on this planet just to die, some people are here to do good, others evil, others just roam around to just take up space. But it's all a balance that our planet needs, and our human race needs to survive. Can it be that simple? Yes. And I believe it is. Society just makes us think we have free will so we can stay in neat little boxes and not think outside of that box. Think, if we knew there was such thing as determinism, there would be killing sprees and looting and rapes and chaos because no one could be blamed. And we'd just run around like animals. So we're told that we make our own choices our whole lives and if you do something "bad" it was your choice, thus you are punished. Well, I say fuck that shit, man. Fuck it to hell.