Nothing snazzy

I might just have to take a leave of absence from school and go to Suffolk if I can still enroll in classes. I can't afford the spring semester, even with deferred payments. I am screwed. It figures that this would happen. I called the school and talked to a counselor, who seemed sympathetic, but nonetheless, he could do squat for me. Even if we took the option of paying half for now, we might still come up short. My mom was thinking about cleaning out her savings and then whatever I had saved, making it almost half--but we still have to pay the other half. And of course, my mom makes me feel guilty about it by saying, "It's okay dear, we just won't eat next month." How did that make me feel? As a last resort, I could withdraw and come back home. I'd rather not do that, I like it at school and I'd rather not get dicked over like this. However, I don't want them to get dicked over either. I found out what happened with the $500. Apparently my New College scholarship didn't carry over to the second semester, so when a new bill was made, they excluded the $500. Yippee. Believe it or not, that extra bit makes a big difference in what we can afford. I have to talk to Dean Nass on Monday...I might have to leave New College if it's possible to register for new classes as a regular undergrad? The money that my mom has to pay the tuition is put away in CD's, so there would be a penalty to remove it. She is at work and hasn't checked how much the penalty would be. I'd like to know why she put it all in a CD if she knew she had to pay a fucking tuition. I don't understand that at fucking all. I guess she figured she could not pay until March without a penalty from the University. I don't understand any of that as far as the penalties go, but maybe she could take out half? and then the other half come from somewhere else? I need to call Student Accounts again and see what happens if we pay what we can, and have the rest pending until the other bit comes in. Until all this gets settled, I dont have a meal plan and the charges keep building. I can't even imagine books right now, too. My mom said she didn't want me to withdraw, but it seems like the best option. I need to call Geneseo and see if they would still accept me, even if I didn't complete the second semester and wound up just working or something. I need to do the same for New Paltz. Hmm...then I need to call Suffolk and see if they would take me now and see what classes I could get. Probably the retarded ones that no one else wants. I don't know. I dont want to live at home and not be near the friends at school, but if this isn't affordable then I dont see another way. Basically, fuck Hofstra and it's corruption. Fuck it to fucking hell. I'm glad rich, incompetent assholes get full rides because they can kick a ball around. Really, I'm glad for them. I'm glad that people who really can't afford an education can't get it...for the fact that they're not completely, utterly poor or a minority. I'm so sick of being in the middle. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't even know if I'm going back and that's an empty feeling. You have no idea.