ABC, 123

Yes I'm aware that it's 3am on Christmas Day. I'm aware of this completely and I wish I could sleep, but obviously I can't. I took a nap with Mel before but the fact that I slept isnt the reason why I'm awake. I can't get some shut eye because of the dream I had while I was sleeeping. I've had dreams the past couple of days that make me sit and ponder things. Let's say it's person K who is causing such mini-dramas in my life. K has an idea, but no idea and I fear K wants me for different reasons than I want K. Let's say a bulk of my dreams have involved K and they're nothing but good and I wake up smiling and I'm happy. So why can't I sleep? It's because I'm happy from them and I'm unaware of the turn out. Then, to make it dandier, there's another element of Q which confuses the whole situation. Let me not even mention R. There's probably a Y and H somewhere, too. For Christ's sake (no offense, it is your birfday) I can't handle all of these letters involved in my life. It could just be Z (me) and K, that'd be peachy. I have my own outside elements such as G and the God-foresaken X...and how can I forget the A? Holy shit. I have G and X and A. K has Q and R. I'm not even sure I want K and Z together though. Sometimes I ponder the Z and G or the Z and A (:)) or perhaps the ever inevitable Z and X. But that'd be unhealthy as would Z and G. So maybe Z and K is perfect. Well, I've always thought that A and Z were meant to be, as do the stars, but that's beside the point. So far there's a lot of K and Z going on. My brain likes to remind me of this at night. I had one dream with K where I melted to nada and in this one, it was so good that I woke up in quick shock, unaware of my surroundings until a minute went by and Melany woke up. I was in lala land. What is it about K? No fucking clue. What is it about R and Q for K? What is it about A that makes me smile? And X that makes me burn with every fiber in my body? It sounds like a lot of complex algebra mushing in my brain. Fook. I dont fookin' know. I dont want to talk about it really. I'd rather marinate in my own thoughts for awhile and come to a decision. It doesn't help that Dave keeps on asking me if I have a boyfriend. I want to smack him only because I dont know at this point. Ack to you fucking K. But A, if you want to come and chill, that'd be cool. G? I could handle you if you wanted to handle me. And X? Well, I dont know. That's just a yearning. Maybe R can stay away and Q is chill, but I dont know about that one either. Everyone chants a different letter to me, but my voice is the only one that counts. Fucking dreams keeping me awake. Fuckin-a...haah. A! Yes? No? Wait...who was A again? Oh yeah. haha. The perfect one. K is not perfect, but it'd be good while it lasted. A and I go way back as do others. What the fuck do I know anymore? Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid dreams. And this did little for my ability to sleep at 3:30 am on Christmas morning. If I have one more wonderful dream where I wake up smiling and happy, I'll be pissed fo shizzle. I dont want to be happy, damnit, I want to wallow in self pity. Oh crap, don't even get me started on my dream with X. I don't want to go there either. That was a bundle of warm tingly feelings (as X could)...only followed by tingly feelings by K. Fuck you K. Fuck you X. Fuck me A. Goodnight and another Merry Christmas. I'll probably write in this bullshit again later when the day becomes a waste of space.