Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

My room smells like b.o. I walked in and I felt like I was in the boy's locker room at Saxton Middle School. I know I don't smell like b.o.--I am enchanting like a rose bush. I hope it's not my roomie...that'd be sad. Unless my room was converted into a gym while I was in class, there is no known explanation. Ew. And I can't spray either because my roommate is sleeping and that'd be rude--isn't it great that I know what is considered rude? I'm just snazzy.

I am going home this weekend which makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I can' t wait to see friends, even if it is for one day. I can't wait to drive and to see my parents...and use their credit card to add money to my meal plan so I can eat and not pass out and die. Oh joy. I'm thinking my dog will bite me this weekend. Let's make a $5 bet, eh? For those of you who don't know Tobie, he likes to bite when provoked in the oddest ways. It's not like we poke him with hot prongs or bang the door on his head, we merely look at him the wrong way and he flips out on us. Why do you think I'm missing a finger? My dog's a psycho. Thanksgiving weekend he was surrounded by his lover Andrew and other boys that made him all hot and bothered (my dog is also a flamer). So when things started to calm down again and the 'red rocket' was no longer in bloom, he started to be all viscious. He and I have a love/ hate relationship. I love him but I hate him too. He's a mush, a dick, a lover and a fighter...a typical Scorpio. Fucking Scorpios... I bet the Jew bag is gonna bite me if I call him Kunta Kinte =)

I have $24 on my meal plan card. Isn't that just precious? (make sure to use the church lady voice there). I can't believe that my money has gotten so low. In August $1300 seemed indespensable and now I'm eating $.65 garlic knots and $.99 side dishes for dinner. Karen told me that water in a cup is only $.10 (Hofstra HAS to charge you for the Hofstra cup) so maybe I'll start drinking that. I'm going to look Ethiopian by end of December. Hey, I did want to feel better about myself, so being practically anorexic will be awesome. My ribs will stick out and I'll feel beautiful for every bone that you can count. I'll be like Karen Carpenter or Nicole Richie. That was mean. I'll apologize once I'm done snickering. No, not done yet, give me a second. Wait for it...wait for it...okay, I'm sorry. Not.

It sounds like Allie is peeing in the shower. hahah. She only turned the knob a little bit so the stream of water was similar to urine on the shower stall floor. Not like I'd know what that sounded like or anything....

I hungry. Maybe I'll eat a delish garlic knot from the Student Center to tide me over until dinner...a garlic knot...AND WATER!!! Now, now--the water's just gettin too fancy. I don't deserve such an extravagance.

I really hope that I'm not the one who smells. I dont want to stink up the cute apple shirt that I'm wearing. Yeah, it's an official apple crunk shirt for all you biotches to be jealous about. I look cute in it too. It's one of those shirts that fascinates me because of the way it stretches over my boobs. haha. I had that experience a few weeks ago in class because they just looked so round or whatever. And today, while discussing bankers in the early 19th century, I glanced at them on my laptop screen and was jealous that I could not be somebody else so I could admire them from afar. I was also really bored discussing money for three FUCKING hours. What the HELL is MONEY?! "Fran, can you tell us what MONEY is?" No, I can't fuck stick, so stop asking me questions.

Peace.

And if you feel in my heart that I long for revenge
Please blame it on the sun of the mourning