I got one hand in my pocket

I felt like writing again. So sue me.

I just got out of the shower and I feel clean on the outside. On the inside, I feel unkempt. I'm not sure why. Something isn't ticking the right way. Well, at least if I die in my sleep tonight, I'll be clean and smell pretty. That's all that matters. Who wants to croak looking like a pig who took a dip in a mud pile...or someone who smells like...a Communist. 0_0.

Today was an okay day. I wasn't thrilled at all. I had to wake up early because the printers at the lab shut down last night and my paper had to be handed in on paper. So, I went to bed late after writing that piece of turtle shit only to wake up early to print out the turtle shit. Fook it. I was tired and lethargic. The only thing that made my morning semi-decent was when I got kisses from Keri. Class started and it was bullshit. Our other paper got pushed to Monday after debate (and talking to Dean Nass). I talked to Billy this morning in class. I'm not too content right now. I won't go into that though...it's none of your business. As of current (and it probably won't last very long) Matt and I aren't speaking. I flicked his hat off and refused to pick it up unless he apologized. He told me not to talk to him. Oh well. Hi Matt. You're probably reading this right now going, "you cunt." We're both stubborn fucks, eh? haha. Well, what else? I was pissed off in class and when that happens, I text Cindy's phone through AIM and we solve things that I already know the answer to. She made me laugh when I was being serious, discussing my love life, and she told me my problems would be solved if I just made out with her. She continued to say that she had a fast tongue and fingers...I wonder what they'd be used for. It was the funniest thing and it made class hysterical...especially when Conrad knew that I was laughing and not paying much attention to bankers after the Civil War. Cindy wants me. She says that I want her, but she wants me. lmfao.

I like pink lemonade. No. That's a lie. I love it. If it had a penis, I'd date it. Keri once told me that pink lemonade causes cancer. Here's to a tumor in my tummy!! Keri, Karen, Sam and I all had lunch today downstairs in the Student Center and it was a good time. We wound up talking for two hours, just hangin' out. Two favorite parts: when Keri ate his rice through a straw and when Sam and Keri made the same head movements, facial features and said the same thing at the same time without even trying. It was good times.

I want to go to England. Any takers?

I read Greg's blogs and I only hope that mine will one day be 1/6 as funny as his are. Everytime I read them, my kidneys fall out. Luckily I live with geniuses who know how to sew me back together. pfft =)

I go home soon. I can't wait. I know I bring that up a lot but I'm tired of thinking about writing papers and bullshit. I'm still thinking of transfering to Geneseo. It seems like a better idea everyday. It's cheaper and I'd get more bang for my buck...I hear the prostitutes Upstate are much cleaner ;p No, that was a bad joke. If you laughed, you're going to die.

December is a rough month for me. Since my grandma died, it's hard. She died two years ago a week before Christmas and I can't shake that feeling around the holidays. On Sunday, my parents and I went to Calverton to leave a wreath on her grave and I was so upset but I did that shit where I yawned everytime tears came to my eyes so I could blame watery eyes on yawning. It's just difficult. We went to my uncle's wife's grave (where a family friend is also buried) and we left a wreath. Shirley died nine years ago, but it still stings somewhere deep inside. Like I said, it's December. I love this month, but it's also hell to get through. Two years in a row I've had two people who practically raised me, die--not to jinx anything, but I dont think I can handle someone else dying this year. Seriously. There will come a day where I will snap and not be okay. Not now though. I'm okay. It's just December air and December snow. December life within its own death. I think, What if this person dies or that person dies? and I become terribly sad. Losing someone is an empty feeling that can't really be described beyond empty. Over time, the void does fill, but there's always that tiny hole where it hurts sometimes. What makes me a bit happier is thinking that if there is a heaven, my grandma and uncle are together, hanging out and playing cards with Shirley and Debbie. Maybe they even met some other cool people. I've thought about a book idea where people lose loved ones and when they go to heaven (if it does exist) they meet others whom have died...and when they become friends, those that they left behind find eachother and become friends. A sort of destiny. That makes me smile. Wow. Andrew's right: I really know how to put a damper on the party. Hey Andrew, what's it like to have a grandpa? =p

I'm still in a towel and as much as that turns you on, I should really change into clothes. It's getting nipply in here.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Peace.


I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And its been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass